When is a funeral day not a funeral day?!
A celebration of life does not need to take place on literally the same day as a burial or cremation. Often this has to take place on a particular date to follow religious tradition or through a simple Direct Cremation service. There can be very compelling and sensible reasons to arrange a Celebration of Life ceremony date that is days, weeks, months or even years afterwards. These could include choosing a notable or significant calendar date, overcoming practical logistics, resolving family disagreements or simply reaching the right point in your grieving journey.
Recently, I
have led two quite contrasting Celebration of Life ceremonies. Both were highly
joyous experiences, deeply intimate and meaningful to the families, whilst being
reflective, personal and solemn.
In the
first, a popular local businessman was mourned by a large group of family,
friends, community members, neighbours and professional colleagues. The
ceremony took place in the function room of a local leisure centre, a lovely
spacious room used for weddings and other functions. The family chose to hold
the ceremony on a Saturday to maximise availability of attendees. The location
of the venue was perfect, considerably more accessible to all mourners than our
small local cramped crematorium chapel with ample free parking and supporting facilities
to assist all. Having had a rapid burial in line with their religious
tradition, there was no casket or coffin present. Instead, a beautiful floral
arrangement and photograph of the deceased served as a visual focus at the front.
The tone was celebratory and encapsulated the gentleman perfectly. Freed from anxiety
over unfamiliar procedures, and the presence of a coffin, his grandchildren in particular felt more relaxed and able to
talk more freely about their Grandad.
Logistically,
processes were simplified by all being in one place. The staff brought out
refreshments as the ceremony concluded and mourners were more inclined to stay, chat and share their memories without needing to drive to another location.
This large
celebration brought great comfort to the grieving family who found more to
celebrate and smile about than feeling sad over.
The second
ceremony, in contrast, followed a few days after a Direct Cremation. This
family was very geographically spread out and it was felt easier to separate
the two elements. The casket of ashes was tastefully displayed within a stunning floral arrangement. A simple candle was lit and extinguished as part of a meaningful symbolic ritual.
The gentleman
was a keen member of a local Social Club and so this venue was selected. Again,
it took the celebration into the community that had been so important to him.
Chairs were easily moved in the function room to create a ceremony style,
semi-formal arena whilst retaining the relaxed, intimate atmosphere.
Being held in a less traditional setting freed us from the usual external time constraints that can be necessarily be imposed by the crematorium. We were able to delay the start slightly to await expected mourners battling through the snow without any anxiety over the knock-on impact on finishing time. Within the ceremony, the family was at liberty to include several pieces of significant music without fear of running out of time. There was space to include multiple poems to cover fully the long life of the gentleman. The celebrant was able to include meaningful pauses for emphasis without watching the clock.
Overall,
then, I would wholeheartedly recommend a Celebration of Life event. We need a movement and mindset change to take these special ceremonies out of the traditional crematorium settings and into the communities. Please do
get in contact me if you feel this would be the best option for you or if I can help with any advice.
It’s a Celebrant Thing…
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